Losing You
by Hoxopasnei
Summary: Gaara has supposedly died. Sakura's trying to recover from the blow, but recieves unexpected news-twice. It's written like a diary, telling how she's recovering from his 'death'(VERY SHORT & not for everyone) the dates are very important!Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!
1. Chapter 1

I know I'm suppossed to be working on Moonlit, but inspiration struck and I had to write this.

I'm going to ask for help in later chapters, and I already sort of have them typed up, I just need help deciding on things like names and how you would like for me to type the ending. You'll understand what I mean when the time comes.

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

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November 3, 2012

I do not know why I live. Why I breathe. Why I continue.

In his absence, every heartbeat pains me. I think maybe that it hurts because I gave it to him. And now he's gone. So it's dying.

He's gone.

He's gone.

Forever.

I'll never see him again.

Never to hear the soft murmur of his laughter that so few were privileged enough to hear.

Never to feel the elation that came with merely being in his presence. Or the rumble of his deep voice when he whispered sweet words to me resounding in his chest.

Never to smell his ironically cool, forest-like scent.

Never to share with him my thoughts that only he really understood.

I look at the shallow creatures called people and I hate them. I hate their smiles, their laughter, and their presence in this world.

I cannot bring myself to look at my supposed friends. They disgust me too. I hate them.

Sometimes I dream of the day we met. Never before had I seen such a violent shade of red. I hated him back then. I wish I could bring myself to hate him now.

His scent is gone from his clothes and his pillows.

I'm afraid that I'll forget him. Things like the first smile I ever saw him make. The way his hair would start to curl at the ends if it got too long.

Everything I have of him is slowly disappearing, and I'm afraid.

My memories are fading too. I cannot recall how he walked as I used to. I cannot clearly remember the light, purring accent he spoke with.

I miss him.

So much.

This loneliness, it's suffocating. I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't feel.

I know I need help. I've spoken with a few people about it. Professionals.

They tell me I have to want to get better.

I don't want to get better.

I don't want to move on. Because I'm afraid that if I do, even more memories that I have of him will leave, fade, or disappear.

But it's happening anyway. I can't stop it, and that terrifies me.

They go down a black hole that swallows all thing that people have lost and forgotten, never to resurface.

Sometimes I wake up and I forget that he's not there. I reach for him and when I don't feel him beside me, I spiral back into the pit of despair that I fell asleep in.

I feel even worse when I think of how he would despise me if he were to see me now. For that reason, I threw out all the mirrors in the house. I despise me too.

It has now been two months since he died.

It still feels like yesterday.


	2. Chapter 2

REVIEW PLEASE!

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December 20, 2012

I feel better. I've written down everything I remember of him. I know as long as I keep that safe, I'll never forget him.

I hope.


	3. Chapter 3

December 21, 2012

The world was supposed to end today. It didn't

Something changed today.

It wasn't anything tangible. If you asked me what was different, I couldn't tell you if I tried. It was like the universe shifted its pattern an infinitesimal bit, just enough for me to tell the difference.


	4. Chapter 4

Review please!

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December 29, 2012

I went for a walk today. It was peaceful.

I tripped and cut me hand. The blood reminded me of something.

I need to get a pregnancy test.


	5. Chapter 5

December 31, 2012

It came back positive.

I'm pregnant.

With his child.

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Review!

Here's where I need you help! I need names for the baby! Help me!


	6. Chapter 6

January 1, 2013

Last night I went out.

I decided that I was going to try to reconnect with our friends.

On impulse, I told them that I was pregnant.

They were happy.

So was I.

A few months back I lost my reason for living: him. He was my life and I was his. When he died, I fell into a pit. I've pulled myself back up. But I don't think that I will ever get over the pain of losing him.

But, he lives on. In me. In our child. In his memory that I will honor for as long as I live.

Rest assured, my love. Our child will grow up with everything that we did not. They will be strong. I will teach them the ways of this world for you. And when the day comes that they wonder where their father is, I will tell them.

I will tell them our stories. Yours and mine. And ours.

Every last bit.

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Review please!

Again, please give me a name for the baby! I can't think of one!


	7. Chapter 7

A big thank you to rossannie14 for helping me find a name for their son!

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June 1, 2013

I gave birth today. At 7:13 AM it was recorded that our child was born.

We have a son. He's so beautiful. He has your hair, the exact same color I love so much.

I named him Hiroshi. I thought you would like it.

I wish you were here to see him.


	8. Chapter 8

February 14, 2014

We went to the park today. Hiroshi is so beautiful. He's eight months old now.

But as we were leaving, I thought I saw something. A flash of red out of the corner of my eye. Never before had I seen such a violent shade of red. Except for on you and on our son.

I think-no-I _know_ that you're out there.

They told me that when your ship had sunk, that there was no chance of survivors, and stupidly, I believed the reports. They had thought that because there was no land within a two-hundred mile radius of where it had sunk. They searched for a month before giving up, just as I did.

I was so stupid. So, so stupid. How could I have believed them? You are a survivor, and I should know that better than anyone else. I shouldn't have let some official with a fancy title tell me there was no way you could have lived.

I'm so sorry for being so foolish and weak.

But I am going to find you, my love

I'll find you, Gaara. If not for me, then for our son, I will find you.


	9. Alternate Ending

_**ALTERNATE ENDING**_

February 14, 2014

We went to the park today. Hiroshi is so beautiful.

I saw our carving on our tree there. I remember the day we put it there. I felt so silly doing it. But so happy because I was with you, even if you thought it was just as stupid as I did.

When I touched it and closed my eyes, I swear I felt your warm, gentle hand on mine and heard a voice whisper something to me in the wind.

Now, you know that I was never superstitious. But I can't help but feel that you're watching over us. That you know we have a wonderful son.

I love you Gaara, and I miss you.

And I will never, ever forget you.


End file.
